Suspended

My ''life'' was suspended most beautifully, ''surreally'' (in retrospect and in comparison to now, it was beautiful despite the cold and longing for Yannick) for a month in Italy, and now it's December and near Christmas. I am back and in full swing at work, but I still have not felt the ''panic'' of realising it’s year-end... something I used to feel.

I came back to various shocking news - about my dad, my personal relationship, the company I work in….

And so I '' suspended '' living, my life, my nostalgia, one more time, and went numb….

But I am slowly feeling "Italy-sick'' - I bought pandoro ...and yet another box of Baci... and cooked pici and pasta... even though whenever I went out with friends, I stressed, ''no pasta and western food’’!

I had spent so much time writing about Franca my landlady, because ''kindness'' is little simple inexpensive acts. Friendship does not cost a lot: sitting together - she knitting and me at the laptop and both glancing at the TV from time to time ... but it brought us warmth and lots of appreciation from me, a foreigner.

Because of all this, I have created this blog.

A Piece of Italy

Nostalgia Wormed its Way into My Heart - Sat 10 Dec
I was at Jason’s and could not help buying a pandoro. I saw the Perugina brand of panetonne and felt images of my stay there flooding me.

I went home to cook the pici I had bought in Siena, for my lunch.

We are Singapore - Sun 11 Dec
Singapore is a safe haven. I live here. I am part of the scheme here, and I have to contribute to it. By being the victim of a spot check at Tanjong Pagar MRT station.

Do I look like a terrorist? Ok, so I was alone, and OK, so I was carrying a back-pack.

Most importantly, I had to fulfil the police’s quota of checking X number of people in Y number of minutes’ interval. Singapore’s grand ‘’plan’’, ‘’vigilant system’’ to assure the world we are number one, we are safe, we are a great place to live and invest your business in.

She saw me walking into the station and caught my eye. There was no one else. She had to pick on me. She approached me to see my bag, and I glumly opened it. She cursorily glanced at it for a second and said OK, eager to fill her form, to report back to the HQ that she has done her job, that we are safe: we are Singapore.

We are ‘’Organised’’, We are ‘’Efficient’’ - Mon 12 Dec
That’s what we like to think of ourselves. And when things don’t work according to the way we are used to in another country, we say they are ‘’messy, back-ward, low tech, disorganised, inefficient’’.

Let us look at it from another angle. In Perugia, the queue sometimes is long and ‘’slow’’ to move. The service staff at the counter takes a long time to attend to one customer. But it is one on one, face to face, human interaction and attention. They are ‘’backward’’ – they did not set up ‘’auto/ self service machines’’, they did not encourage ‘’on-line services’’ or ‘’phone banking’’ to avoid queues. So you feel you are wasting time physically queuing.

So, in Singapore, it’s easy right? You call up the hotline. It says, press 1 for ABC, 2 for DEF, 3 for XYZ…. 8 options to press, and press # to speak to an operator. And then you press 2, they say press 1 for D1, 2 for D2, 3 for D3, 4 for E1, etc….. 8 more options. And if you are not sure and hazard a number and it’s wrong, you start all over again, or press 0 to ‘’go to the main menu’’. And when you press # to speak to the operator, it puts you on hold or on more recorded messages, or ask you to key in your account number… and when you key in, and finally get to speak a real person at the other end, the first thing she asks for is your account number….

Or, if you are very ‘’in’’, you do internet instead. But you have to make sure you have the right computer software for that particular service provider’s website, and you spend time understanding and downloading the software, and then your PC hangs, or the downloading was not successful….

The point is – the time spent pressing 1,2 3, ABC, and downloading and un-hanging your PC…is probably a lot more than simply waiting patiently and serenely at the queue….

The marketing lie of ‘’doing it whenever and wherever you want’’ with internet transaction is just that – a lie. What is the percentage of the population who does their transaction at 3 am at the pub? Haven’t you realised why the staff strength at 24 hour hotline call centres is skeletal?!

So what is the problem? To me, Singaporeans do not know how to face silence with equanimity; they must constantly occupy their minds with ‘’emptiness’’. Instead of being sociable or chat in a friendly manner with fellow queue-ers in the line, they prefer to be anti social and look busy with empty talk over sms, or to occupy their mind with stresses like on-line and hotline services.

By being ‘’occupied’’ and busy all the time, we appear more hardworking and ‘’efficient’’.

Conversations

With the Laundry Man - Tue 6 Dec
It’s been only three days that I’ve been back, and I have not lost the Perugian ‘’sociable-ness’’.

In Perugia, people make time for one another, and chat casually.

Today I had a pleasant conversation with John, the dry-clean delivery man. I enquired about his wife’s health, and he asked about my trip. I learnt about their impending trip to Egypt with his whole extended family, a ‘’gift’’ paid for by their son, and about how his wife would enjoy it and should go, despite the advanced state of cancer that she is in now.

To think that I used to be mad with John’s long-windedness and slowness in handling the form-filling when he picked up my clothes at the office. I am the busy executive always in a hurry and have little time.

To think that I was once mad with him for not showing up at the appointed time, and was pretty inflexible as he tried to ask for half an hour’s extension. It was only later when he showed up that he explained the reason – he had been stuck at the hospital as he had to accompany his wife who was going through her cancer ‘’relapse’’.

With the Captain - Fri 9 Dec
Anu and I wanted to watch the sunrise at Four Friends, Captain Blake’s boat. He invited us to breakfast. We started talking about Shakespeare, Kipling and Emily Bronte.

Anu said that somehow Shakespeare lost relevance for her, that other authors have written about the same themes in a ‘’better’’ way. Captain differed. I suggested that Shakespeare’s themes are still relevant today, except perhaps he has not written about the sense of alienation in the modern world.

He liked my comment. And we went further… the modern world can be so ‘’uniform’’ and ‘’boring’’. Every where you go you see ‘’standardisation’’ [‘’globalisation’’ is the ‘’better word’’ here – in signages, in transport system, in currency (eg Euro), etc] - so much so that a great chunk of history is lost (esp. trashing certain currencies to adopt the Euro) and you can get ‘’disappointed’’ when you visit another country and see the same things. I was at a mall in Jakarta this July and it felt like I was in one of Singapore’s non-descript malls – there was BreadTalk, Mphosis, Guardian…We talked about ‘’quality and pace of life’’, about how Singapore can afford to slow down and be less materialistic and still be happy….

Anu argued that Singapore cannot afford to slow down – that though we work very hard, we have a good life, and a good, sound system. Compare us with other countries – developed ones, or poor ones – whose systems do not even encourage people to work, because of the dole system, for example.

Captain clarified – no we are not saying we don’t continually improve, but don’t ignore the human expect – the balance that New Zealanders seem to be able to find.

I explained – we are trapped. We work in companies that tell us we are never good enough. We slaved for the company, we clinched big contracts, we made huge profits. But shareholders say this is not enough. They say it’s good but it’s not enough. More can be made – either through more sales, more profit, cutting costs, acquiring another company or merging with another. That’s the only way to increase the value of your company and share price. (And fatten shareholders’ bank accounts, I guess.)

Captain Blake kept telling us to ‘’take our time to enjoy the sea, no hurry’’. Yet we had our habit – of time-keeping, of rushing, of keeping to our ‘’goal’’. The leader of the MIS team building session could not help reminding us about time keeping and the time to meet – for our obstacles/ team challenges.

Waking up in Another Country

‘’Quando i bambini fanno oohh…!’’ I woke up with this jingle in my head. What is it? It took me some time to recall – it’s for Kinder chocolates’ TV commercial in Italy! How could I forget – when I got back only yesterday, and when this lovely commercial played nightly as I sat in front of the TV with Franca.

Jalene, May Ling and Wah Lee visited my dad in the afternoon. They got my sms a few days ago about my dad’s condition and without hesitation, almost immediately organised a visit. So many changes happened just this past one week, one month.

But one thing has not changed – our friendship. We have been friends for about 25 years. We gather during Christmas, Chinese New Year and birthdays. As we age, and as our parents age, we also gather at hospitals and funeral wakes – to visit our ailing parents and grandparents, and to console the bereaved.

Day of Departure - Fri 2 Dec

I woke up and the table is laid out with a different coffee maker, cookies, a small tube of Baci, a satsuma and an orange.

I did not expect this – I still have my own bread and cereal for breakfast…. Touched by Franca’s thoughtfulness, I could not eat much, just a biscuit and the tiny satsuma. There was hardly luggage space even for the orange and so I took the small tube of Baci, just to show my appreciation. But she insisted on the orange – she had just bought some yesterday (thinking I love them because I had bought and offered her some the past two days) and said I should take it for the journey.

More last minute packing while she asked if I had left behind anything. She came to my room to give me my mobile (which was lying at the breakfast table) saying I should not forget it. She brought me my face towel too and I told her there was no space for it. I told her I could not pack in my bath towel either. She tried to find space in my hand luggage, everywhere. I told her my luggage would be overweight, and that she could have them if she did not mind, or she could keep them for other tenants, after washing them, for they were newly bought from Conti when I first came. She thanked me profusely and said they were so nice I should try and take them back if possible.

Finally, it was time to say the last goodbye. I thanked her for what she has done and apologised for not being to express my thanks adequately in Italian. I surprised myself when I choked at this sentence, and she fought back her tears too. How strong she must be – to be saying tearful farewells now and then to departing tenants.

She helped me call a taxi. They wanted to arrive in five minutes. Ten minutes, I bargained, buying time to go to the loo and to secure my luggage. But I waited for more than that and it never arrived. Franca had to call again, and it was the first time I heard her yelling. Apparently they claimed that they had been too busy, but now they promised the driver would come immediately. Meanwhile, while waiting, Giselle passed by, and we hugged and kissed farewell. After another eternity, the taxi finally arrived. Imagine waiting a total of 35 minutes, for a 10 minute ride to the bus terminal!

Preparing for Singapore’s Fast Pace
The journey to the Rome airport was pleasant. The sky was bright and sunny, much more cheerful than Perugia.

More than half way into the journey, and I was already busy ‘’working’’ the phone with sms and calls. Sms from office to say the Asia Coms meeting has been cancelled at the last minute. Calls to HQ to find out why. Sms to Singapore to say I could join the MIS team building, in view of the cancelled Coms meeting. Sms from headhunter after that to say client wanted conference call on the day of my off-site team building. Sms to headhunter to say that I need to re-schedule. More sms – about the Coms meeting cancellation logistics and my passport details for the offsite. Very productive, very active, very frantic, very Singapore.

The bus conductor broke my frantic working mode. As he came round to collect my bus fares, he asked for the time of my flight. Then he asked if I had heavy luggage. I asked why. He said the bus would arrive late at the airport – about an hour late! ‘’Va bene?’’ (is it OK) he asked. Do I have a choice? It would mean a terrible rush for check in, and unless there was no long queue, I might not even make it. I asked for the reason for the delay and he mentioned something which sounded like ‘’demonstration’’ and I had thought it was a ‘’strike’’ (thought ‘’strike’’ should be ‘’sciopero’’ instead).

We made it to the airport 20 minutes late instead of the anticipated one hour. But the slowness and long queue at the check-in counter meant I had little time left for anything, except go round a merry hunt for the custom’s stamp for my tax free form.

In one week, so many things, including life and death matters, happened. I felt bad the Asia Coms meeting has to be cancelled – it was because of my stay in November in Italy that the meeting had to be pushed to December, and now it has to be cancelled, due to some urgent matter. But who can plan and predict what will happen and who or what you’ll meet, and when? All the more I want to just grasp and treasure what’s in front of us. Despite difficulties and obstacles, I had made it to, and back from Italy. I am not sure if it’s ‘’stubborness’’, perseverance or plain bull-headed.

Toasting to Dad's Health

Last day in Perugia. I had ‘’farewell lunch’’ at Shanghai Chinese Restaurant on Corso Garibaldi with Jodi, Halina, Mirlan and Kayoko. They waited for me to arrive at our meeting point - Palazzo Gallenga – before walking to the restaurant nearby. I was late – thanks to my obsession with emailing at the internet café.

When we reached the restaurant, Halina wanted to order wine - her treat, she said. So we toasted – to friendship, and especially to my dad’s health.

They tried to cheer me up. Halina saw my sad face and tried to mother me. We bantered. We said that we should meet again next year, perhaps in this very same restaurant. Halina wants a grandchild badly and wishes that when we meet she would be able to bring her grandchild along – her daughter who is married is a career woman not keen on having kids. I said I would meet Halina in Spoleto next summer – for the festival she is organising. Jodi explained why she likes Europe and wants to live in Europe instead of in Australia – the Australians ‘’do not know anything other than about themselves’’, according to her.

We all seem to have similar ‘’complaints’’ about our own countries. This trip to Italy is more than language learning for me. It is a lesson in kindness and friendship, and an opportunity to learn from one another – about Australia, Poland, Japan, Khirgistan, even the U.S. I had thought that I knew Japan well enough, but have learnt so much from Kayoko about the values and thoughts of the Japanese. I had thought that the Polish would not know Singapore. But Halina has a mental image – she ‘’knows’’ Singapore as a country with quality products, and clothing made in Singapore are highly regarded there! And I do not know much about Poland or Khirgistan… there are still so many countries I have not visited nor learnt about.

We talked and talked. We spent hours at the restaurant, and I wondered when they would chase us out. We finally left to go our separate ways. Jodi cried. We choked back tears. We passed by Palazzo Gallenga one last time, and an elderly lady asked if we needed a room – she could rent one to students like us. ‘’Oh no – today’s our last day here in fact,’’ Jodi said.

I walked under the Arco Etrusco one last time. I wanted to go to my favourite pastry shop one last time, and to find out the actual name of the shop. I just could not figure out the cursive writing on the signage! But I forgot – it is Italy and lunch hour – all shops, except restaurants, are closed!

I walked to the city centre, hoping to snap more shots in the dark gloomy sky for remembrance. I decided to go to the Perugina shop to get more Baci chocolates for friends back home. When I was ready to pay with my credit card, the old lady told me the terminal was not functioning due to ‘’tech problems’’ and told me to wait for about 10 minutes. I returned, and it was still not working. I wanted to leave but she offered to make a call but before long a young lady rushed in – it turned out that she was the only one in the shop who knew how to use the terminal – gosh!

I went home, reminding myself I needed to start packing… I met Adele, who gave me a big hug as she left the house.

I decided to make time to chat with Franca before I got down to packing. I told her about the lunch we had, the dinner I would be having with Kumi, and that she still has not called to arrange time and place to meet. ‘’Don’t worry, eat with me if she can’t have dinner with you, I’ve already prepared…’’ she said, ever so generously.

I started packing, frantically. I wondered how to squeeze in all that shopping and heavy bulky books. Franca came in to show me the hand-made tagliatelle, together with a sausage that she had kept aside for my dinner (I had drooled over the tagliatelle when she was making them but still have not tried them!). ‘’Oh thank you so much – but I have spoken with Kumi and we are going out,’’ I said. ‘’Nevermind… tomorrow…’’ Franca replied, and left the room with the pot of tagliatelle.

I had asked Kayoko to join us for dinner at La Lumera. I introduced her to Kumi. Kayoko gave me a card and a packet of Japanese ‘’body warmer’’ (she had given one to me earlier and it really helped to keep me warm), and left after the first course, as she still had not started to pack. We hugged and kissed and bade a warm farewell. We promised to meet either in Japan or in Singapore.

After dinner with Kumi, I walked back, and wanted to spend my last few hours with Franca. I took out my laptop and sat with her as I downloaded the pictures I had just taken at the restaurant.

She kept asking about calling a taxi the next morning, and whether I should be taking the bus or the train to Rome. ‘’Tomorrow at this time you will be gone and I’ll be here alone,’’ she said, quietly. I wished I could thank her enough for allowing me to stay two extra nights – on 31st Oct and 1st Dec! (The rental paid is for a month - 1 to 30 Nov)

We normally sang out our ‘’buona notte’’ (good night) as we left for bed but this time, it was ‘’good bye’’. She even came into my room and said, ‘’un bacione’’ as she gave me a big goodbye kiss. She again reminded me not to forget anything, while I told her I was going to leave behind my clothes detergent and shower cream for her and she thanked me profusely.

I went back to packing, re-packing, and finally finished packing. I set my alarm on my mobile, and tried to get some sleep.

Last Day in Perugia

Panettone and Perugina
Monday 28th was our last lesson with our ‘’grammar exercise’’ teacher Maria. We were hardly in the mood. She had wanted to let us listen to a passage from the tape but seeing us so restless, decided to skip it and do a shorter exercise on colours and idioms instead.

She brought us a panettone to try during our break. Sylvester had to leave class early but she insisted on opening it before break time and ‘’made’’ him eat a slice while we watched.

Maria is such a mother hen. She had reminded us so many times about our appointment time at the bus stop at Piazza Italia for the trip she has organised for us - our trip to Perugina chocolate factory.

The story of the famous and Italy’s beloved Baci is charming. As early as back in 1922, the founder already knew that ‘’naming’’ is important for marketing and changed the name from pugno (punch) to baci (kiss). Pugno came about by accident when the confectioner created a chocolate in a round shape topped with a nut and it looked like a fist and hence people started calling it ‘’punch’’.

And back then they too knew the importance of advertising – and created such memorable and popular TV commercials. And yes, who can avoid globalisation? The Swiss conglomerate Nestle bought over the financially-ailing business in 1988. Thank goodness they did not lose their romance and creativity in the pursuit for ‘’segmentation’’ and ‘’targeting’’ and created marketing campaigns with such clever play of Italian verbs like ‘’tubare’’ (to coo – like lovers and doves) and hence came up with a cute jingle ‘’tu-bi-amo’’ (tubiamo – we coo) to market their chocolates packaged into small tubes – just nice for the youths to carry around as snacks.

While at Perugina, Maria was her usual bubbly self and continued to be like a school m’am looking after her brood of excursion-going kids and pointing out monuments along the way. In the bus Kayoko seems to have a similar urge of mine to ‘’piece jigsaw puzzles together before we leave’’ and asked her so many questions. Where was she from – Venezuela? After that which part of Italy did she move to? How many languages does she speak? How about Marina our other teacher?

At the end of the whole trip Maria gave those of us who would be leaving Perugia and not continue our studies hugs and kisses and lots of good wishes.

Canzione (song)
For our first language lab class we had a love song with Cristina. Yesterday at our last lesson we requested for songs again – it was fun listening and trying to understand songs and TV commercials. But it was a sad love song about a love that has just ended.

Last Grammar Class
Marina was griping about having to move house twice – her own and her mum in law’s. But she still wanted to be with us for our last three hours to ‘’give us good wishes’’. Few of us were in the mood for more grammar and she decided to let us ask her all sorts of questions instead – on the language or on the culture. Maybe she felt compelled to teach us more stuff and at the last hour, decided to explain about relative pronouns and gave us a ‘’piccolo piccolo’’ (real small) exercise and referred us to a page in the text book. She co-authored the book and could remember the pages by heart. She co-authored a dictionary she frequently referred to as well – isn’t she brava!

Finally, it was more photos, more thank you’s and good wishes and we actually broke into loud applause for her as we dashed to the bus stop to look for Maria who would lead us to Perugina.

Just Once
Mirlan the gallant young chap again offered to carry my bag as we heaved up the slope with my laptop and schoolbag. ‘’Ok lah, let him help once, since it’s the second time he’s asked and there will be no more next time’’ I thought. So I gladly handed him my bag. Kayoko just laughed and I whispered – should have given him my laptop instead – it’s heavier.

Email Addiction Not Eliminated
Give me another year in Italy and it will still not be eliminated. Even after a tiring thunderstorm-trip to Todi, on my way back in the dark evening, I had to drop by the internet café near my house to check something. The chap by now recognised me as he stood at his door smoking and gave me a big smile and ‘’buona sera’’!

Last evening I dropped by again after Perugina and was trying to google ‘’angiogram’’ when Santo, who lives nearby, dropped by too and squeezed my arm by way of a surprise ‘’hello’’ for me.

I finished what I had to check and went over to his cubicle to say a final goodbye. He wanted to say something but forgot what. Then he remembered – ‘’so I won’t get to see you again?’’ No, I shook my head. And we gave each other a long big hug, and promised we will keep working on our Italian and keep in touch.

Franca and Friends
Adele and Giselle visited in the early evening as usual two days ago. Adele had knitted two bonnets and brought them to let Franca and Giselle try. I think they were for them. We chatted and I persuaded them to let me take a photo of them. Giselle mentioned she had been to Singapore and it was lovely. She used to visit her sister (who has since died – Franca told me afterwards) who lived in Australia and that’s when she decided to stop over in Singapore.

As they left Franca, they gave me long big hugs when Franca told them I was leaving soon and said, ‘’but you will be still be here for two more days – we will still see you right?’’

Discussing Illness in Italian
I had not learnt many medical terms in Italian – at classes here or in Singapore. But when the need comes, you manage – with gestures, guesses, dictionary, alternative words, a lot of stutters and perhaps a lot of compassion from an old lady.

I was trying to explain to Franca that my dad has had a heart attack two days ago, and that my brother had told me I need not rush back. He would be going for angioplasty today, and had been in intensive care for the past two days.

Today I tried to update her, after speaking to my brother, that previous visits to the doctors had not detected or suspected anything grave, despite my dad’s bad headaches.

Strange, many French words started coming in, when we talked about my flight back home, how to get to Rome from here, how long it takes and when I would finally get to see my dad on Saturday. And yet when talking to “il francese” (Roland) about my job and life in Singapore, Italian words got in the way instead. When he finally said he was going home to ‘’la padrona’’ I didn’t understand him. Did he mean ‘’the landlady’’ in Italian or was he mixing it up and saying the boss - le patron - in French? Franca had to translate – ‘’sua moglie’’ (his wife - the boss)

Tomorrow at this hour as I write this, I will still be on the plane, anxious to get home. Italian, French, Spanish, English… heck! I have not spoken Singlish for a long while, and look forward to that with my family members.